Wolfing Around
by mah29732
Summary: What happens when Benson is so ticked off at Mordecai and Rigby he hires a certain William Blazkowicz to take force them into shape?
1. A Retired Soldier's Job

Wolfing Around

Chapter 1: A Retired Soldier's Job

It was a typical week for the park where a certain Benson and Skips were always getting tired of fixing the mess left either by Rigby or Mordecai whom were always so lazy.

"Skips, I can't take much more of this" sighed Benson, "we need help to clean up those two slackers."

"I know the perfect guy for the job" said Skips, "he's a former major within the military."

"Good, that's good, maybe someone from the military will get those two in shape" said Benson, "I'll call him right away, he should arrive within a few minutes or so."

About several minutes later after Skips had made that call to a mysterious former soldier, both Mordecai and Rigby were in the kitchen of the house prepared to have their meals for the day.

"Breakfast, the first meal of the day" said Mordecai in his typical laid back manner.

"Yeah, first meal of the day" added Rigby who was eager to have it.

Yet soon the two would have their peaceful breakfast spoiled, as a mysterious figure in a military jeep was driving over to the park. This was no ordinary veteran at all, but someone who had seen so much carnage in his entire life during the battle. As the jeep started to approach the house, both Mordecai and Rigby were quite curious to who was behind the wheel.

"Oh great, did Pops spend all the money again to buy a new fancy vehicle?" sighed Mordecai.

But as the blue jay looked to see who was in the driver's seat it wasn't Pops, but instead some old military general or some other brand of a military official.

"Who the heck is that guy?" asked Rigby to which the raccoon noticed the shiny medals, "He has shiny medals, I want something as shiny like that."

"There he is" said Benson who was already outside with Skips whom were both prepared to give the two a big surprise as they came right out.

"Who must you be?" asked the man in the military uniform to Benson as he shook Benson's hand pretty hard in a friendly manner.

"The name is Benson, sir" said Benson who was in a bit pain.

"Skips, sir" added Skips who did the same thing minus his hand not being squeezed by the military man's handshake.

"So what's my mission here?" asked the man in the military suit.

"I can't believe I am saying this, but you must get Mordecai and Rigby in shape, I've had enough with them slacking off in their chores, along with also messing things up to which Skips and I always have to do most of the cleaning" said Benson.

"I see" continued the man in the military uniform to which Mordecai and Rigby came out of the house.

"Mordecai, Rigby, this is William Blazkowicz, but he's commonly referred to as BJ" continued Benson, "I've have had enough of you two slacking off in your chores, to even go and mess things up to have both Skips and I clean it up."

"Can you please show me some of the records of how messy these two slackers have been?" asked BJ as he turned to Benson.

"Don't worry, I'll get those files for you" said Skips as he skipped away.

"You're serious about hiring this guy to fix us up?" asked Rigby who was obviously not happy.

"Yeah I am, and I expect you two to get up at, how early did you get up when you were in training for the military?" asked Benson to BJ.

"Around 3 to 4 A.M." replied BJ.

"Yeah, around either of those times I want you two up and ready for work" said Benson.

"Here are the records of these two you wanted" said Skips as he handed the box of video tapes and file papers to BJ.

"Feels like a heavy load, from the looks of it, you two maggots will be whipped into shape by the time I am threw with you" laughed BJ.

"Now that's indeed what I am talking about" laughed Benson, "anyway Major, you're in charge of these two from now on."

As Benson and Skips went back into the house to rest, BJ was quite pleased that he couldn't believe what a bunch of screw ups that Mordecai and Rigby have both been since they have been hired at their job.

"I still don't understand why Benson sees you two should still even have a job" said BJ as he was looking through the records and the deeds of Mordecai and Rigby.

"Look man, we know what you're going to be up to, you're going to put more rules upon us" said Rigby.

"Yeah, more rules" added Mordecai.

"Well, we're not going to let you do this" continued Rigby who was quite defiant.

"Yeah" added Mordecai.

"You know what this makes me want to do?" laughed BJ to the two.

Suddenly both Mordecai and Rigby found themselves doing a series of exercises which made them obviously sweat for their lives.

"That's right, do as many until I feel like you've done enough" laughed BJ, "and if you lose count on how many, start over!"

"This guy's insane!" cried Mordecai who was in the middle of doing a push up.

"There has to be a way we can stop him" said Rigby.

"What's that, you want to do more of those?" laughed BJ, "Don't worry ladies, I am here all day! Literally!"

As the two continued to do various exercises until they were no longer in the mood to rebel, Benson was quite happy to see what was going on in the house as he was gazing through a window on the second floor.

"Yeah, that'll show those two not to mess with me" laughed Benson.

"I don't know, maybe this might break their willpower or something, you know change their behavior in a bad way" said Skips who was going back out to do more work.

"Nonsense, this is exactly what those two deserve, and I am going to see it through that they'll do their chores or they'll face the consequences" continued Benson.


	2. Trying to Outwit BJ

Chapter 2: Trying to Outwit BJ

Mordecai and Rigby couldn't stand it already with BJ ordering them to do a variety of exercises. Yet things were going to get even more humiliating that it already was when Muscle Man and High-Five Ghost arrived on the scene and noticed the two were doing a variety of exercises for BJ.

"Hey, what's up ladies, you two are working out?" laughed Muscle Man in his typical manner.

"Do you two want to join these two?" asked BJ who noticed Muscle Man, "What's your name son?"

"Muscle Man" replied Muscle Man to BJ.

"Muscle Man?" laughed BJ who couldn't believe it, "You sure don't look like muscle to me!"

"What?" cried Muscle Man who was outraged, "Well, you know who'd be outraged to hear this? My mom!"

That obviously made poor Muscle Man run away crying with High-Five Ghost right beside him.

"Dude, did you see that?" asked Rigby to Mordecai as they were continuing to do push-ups.

"Yeah" replied Mordecai.

"This guy just destroyed Muscle Man just like that" continued Rigby, "if he's from the military, he has to be very tough to beat, which means we better find a way to outwit him."

"I don't know, that sounds too risky even for me" said Mordecai.

"Come on, I bet since this guy is so old, he'd be easily defeated by your favorite game of Punchies" continued Rigby.

"I don't want to hit an old guy" said Mordecai.

"Well, we won't get anyway fast if this guy keeps wailing on us like this" continued Rigby.

"Alright, I'll try, but if we do more exercises because of this, I'm going to blame it on you" said Mordecai.

"What's this?" cried BJ as Mordecai stopped doing his exercises, "You're going to admit that you'll do your work from now on?"

"We've had enough of you here" said Mordecai, "so get out while you still can or we'll make you wish otherwise."

"Yeah otherwise" added Rigby.

"How about a game of Punchies?" asked Mordecai to BJ.

"Hmm, if you were in the military, you'd either be a brave soldier or just plain foolish to challenge your commanding officer like that, bring it on" laughed BJ.

BJ signaled Mordecai to give him the first hit to which it did nothing to BJ.

"Oh, did I just feel that?" laughed BJ, "Or was it just wind?"

Mordecai tried to hit BJ again, but it was no effect on him.

"Now my turn!" laughed BJ as he slugged the blue jay sending him flying right toward the wall to which he then turned to Rigby, "You're next!"

"Okay, okay, we were just kidding about this!" cried Rigby who panicked just in the nick of time.

"Yeah, we were only testing you" said Mordecai who was trying to recover from BJ's punch.

"Hmm, well, since you ladies decided to challenge me, I'm in the mood, I'll give you two a small break for the day, but in five minutes, I'll be coming to look for you" continued BJ.

"Just a five minute break?" cried Rigby.

"We're never going to come up with a better plan than just the game of Punchies, he's unbeatable!" cried Mordecai.

"There must be some way which we can get him to tell us his weakness, but without trying to force it" continued Rigby.

"How the heck are we going to do that?" asked Mordecai.

As the raccoon though for a few minutes, the two then heard BJ continuing to talk to Benson, Skips and even Pops to which Pops was impressed by BJ's stories in his career.

"Oh my, you were a secret agent?" laughed Pops in such an exciting mood to BJ.

"Yeah, I managed to take down several Nazis with one punch!" laughed BJ.

"Ha, those guys are nothing to compare what you'll be going through with those two slackers" said Benson, "they have caused more trouble for me ever since they've been hired here."

"You might want to go easy on them" added Skips to BJ, "they can get carried away in trying to make sure they always get their way if you know what I mean."

"Bah, you mean like that game of Punchies?" laughed BJ.

"Oh, it's going to be far worse than that" continued Skips as he then headed back to work, "just watch your back on those two, don't underestimate them."

"The only thing those two could do worse is not doing their chores on time" laughed Benson as he then left to go back to work.

"Oh please, please, please tell me more about your stories during the war" said Pops.

"I wish I could, but I have to get back to training some slackers to get back on their backs or else" laughed BJ.

As BJ headed back to find Mordecai and Rigby, the two were trying to find a way out trying to escape from BJ.

"This guy's insane!" cried Mordecai, "It's as if he never left the battlefield!"

"I know" added Rigby to which both of them overheard his war stories.

"There has to be a way which we can turn his little war stories against him" continued Mordecai.

"Yeah, against him, how the heck are we going to do that?" asked Rigby.

"Hmm, maybe by making it actually look like a real war" continued Mordecai.

"And how are we going to do that?" asked Rigby, "We didn't do well in history you know."

"No, but I am pretty sure we can find some materials from Skips, he's been around for quite a long time" continued Mordecai.

"Yeah, now you're talking" said Rigby.

Yet as the two were going to wonder off, they ran into BJ who was well prepared to watch over them as they were going to do their chores.

"This is what Mr. Benson has given me as a list of chores for you two to do" said BJ as the list was nearly a mile long, "we should start pronto, and then start early tomorrow around 4!"

"4, as in 4 A.M.?" asked Mordecai.

"Yes, that's what I meant" continued BJ, "so in the mean time, get to it in getting those chores done!"

As the two were being watched over like hawks, Benson was happy to see them doing those chores while BJ was instructing them to do so.


	3. Reenacting War

Chapter 3: Reenacting War

Both Mordecai and Rigby were on the obvious brink of trying to stop BJ from making them do more exercises. The next day, the two were forced to wake up around 4 A.M.,, just like BJ had promised they would. Sadly they did to which BJ himself was right in their rooms.

"Get up ladies!" laughed BJ, "It's time to do your chores!"

"This sucks!" cried Mordecai as he was getting up still a bit tired.

"Well, until you ladies get your acts together, I'll be staying here all day!" laughed BJ.

"There's got to be a way to get rid of this guy" whispered Rigby to Mordecai.

About several hours into the day, when it was finally their break at last the two headed over to a costume store that wasn't far in town.

"Do you have any costumes of German soldiers during World War II?" asked Mordecai to the store owner.

"Hmm, let me see what I have in the inventory" said the store manager as he went out back.

"I say we literally make Halloween early and use these costumes to scare that guy off of our backs" laughed Rigby, "this is a great plan!"

"Sorry, all I have are German military costumes from World War I" said the store owner, "I can give you them at a discount price."

"What, these don't look like the German soldiers in World War II" said Mordecai, "even I'm smart enough to know that."

"But they got cool helmets" added Rigby who was excited to see the helmet of a German World War I soldier.

"They're not the right costumes" continued Mordecai, "an d I am not going to waste my money on them."

"Okay, I'll give you two a deal, they're on the house" said the store owner, "I've been trying to get rid of them for years. But nobody wants to dress up as something they don't know what the heck it is."

"I guess we'll sadly take it" sighed Mordecai.

As the two left the costume store, Rigby wanted to put on his costume to see how he'd look.

"Hey, don't I look like some kind of biker instead of a German soldier?" asked Rigby to Mordecai.

"Maybe, if you had a leather jacket with you instead of that ridiculous uniform" laughed Mordecai.

"So, you ladies are playing dress up?" laughed BJ as he approached the two.

"Hey, for your information, we're still on our break" said Mordecai.

"Yeah, so buzz off" added Rigby.

"Sorry to bug you two bees, but the hive called and they wanted you to get back to work" laughed BJ.

"I don't think so" said Mordecai as he put on his own costume.

"Yeah, we're just as bad as the guys you bought on the battlefield and there's nothing that you can do about it" added Rigby.

"Oh, so you really want to know what I did to those guys on the battlefield during the war?" asked BJ.

"Yeah" replied both.

"I chased them like this!" laughed BJ.

Suddenly both Mordecai and Rigby had ditched the costumes they had from the store only to be chased by old BJ who was on their tails.

"That's right, run, run you ladies!" laughed BJ.

"This guy's insane!" cried Mordecai as he was running with Rigby back to the park.

"There has to be a way which we can get him to crack to show Benson that we're saner than him!" added Rigby.

"That war scenario you were talking about was one of the plans, but it's gone south!" cried Mordecai.

Suddenly the two ducked behind a tree to which BJ was trying to find them.

"Come out, come out ladies, I know you are here, this is the only place you can run to" laughed BJ.

"Dude, we're done for if we stay here" said Mordecai.

"I got another idea" said Rigby.

As BJ was continuing to search for the two, Rigby decided to move into the trenches and literally find a way to spook BJ into making him believe he was back on the battlefield.

"Come on out" said BJ, "I can sense your presence."

Suddenly BJ could see some rustling in the bushes nearby as he approached it, he thought it was Rigby, but as he pounced on whoever it was in the bushes, it sadly turned out to be Pops.

"Hey, what's going on?" cried Pops who couldn't believe he was attacked.

"I thought you were either Mordecai or Rigby" said BJ.

"Well, what's the crime I was committing?" cried Pops, "I was bird watching! Can't someone like me go out and watch a bird from afar in peace?"

Poor Pops looked so pathetic to BJ, that it would be a waste of BJ's own energy to even yell at him for getting in his way.

"Get back to the house, I got a mission to do here" said BJ.

As Pops headed back into the house, it was just then that Rigby who was not far from the incident saw his chance. He picked up some mud nearby and threw it at BJ.

"Hey, who did that?" cried BJ as he looked around seeing no one which oddly felt like he was back on the battlefield somewhat, "Okay, this isn't Germany, this is your own country."

Suddenly another piece of mud came right at him right in the face to which Rigby cheered it on from his hiding spot.

"This isn't funny!" roared BJ, "I am going to count to ten, and if you don't show yourself, I am going to tear this place apart!"

"This is it!" laughed Rigby as he headed back to where Mordecai was.

"What happen?" asked Mordecai.

"The fireworks are just about to be set off" laughed Rigby, "just follow me to a safe location to watch as they explode."

"Oh, I don't like where this is heading" sighed Mordecai as he followed his friend.

Rigby was right on the money as BJ was literally trying to search everywhere for the two, and he certainly wasn't happy. It was just then that a certain Benson who was on the second floor of the house began to notice something odd was going on with BJ.


	4. Watching BJ Go Off

Chapter 4: Watching BJ Go Off

It was right at the very moment that Mordecai and Rigby were going to watch BJ blow his steam off quite literally that Benson was heading downstairs with Skips to stop whatever the heck was about to happen.

"Those two must be here somewhere!" cried BJ as he was tearing up the park.

"What the heck is going on?" roared Benson who came running downstairs, "I noticed Pops was crying stating that YOU were behind it!"

"Listen to me soldier!" roared BJ to Benson, "You help me find those two, and I will make sure YOU don't cry."

"He sure makes his point" said Skips.

"You, split up so that you find those two before this guy does" said Benson to Skips referring about Mordecai and Rigby.

As Benson continued to pretend to help BJ find Mordecai and Rigby, those two were happily watching making poor Benson quite miserable.

"I know we're going to get in a lot of trouble, but it's worth it to show Benson what a weird creep that guy is" laughed Mordecai, "whatever you did, it looks like Benson's going to regret hiring that guy."

"Yeah, I know, just look at the way that guy's yelling at him" laughed Rigby.

Poor Benson was indeed being yelled at by BJ.

"What in tar-nation do you think you're trying to pull, it's no wonder why those two can't do a thing around here!" roared BJ.

"Okay Benson, don't get angry at this guy" said Benson who was talking to himself.

"So you're talking to yourself then?" laughed BJ.

Benson couldn't take it any longer, as a certain Skips was getting closer to find Mordecai and Rigby. It was just then that BJ was getting into his war mode in tearing up the park even more. He lifted up a tree thinking that the two were hiding there, and just tossed it like if it were some pair of sticks.

"Geeze!" cried Benson as he was noticing the obvious carnage by BJ.

"Where are they, where are they?" roared BJ as he continued to roam about.

It was just then that Skips had found Rigby and Mordecai who were hiding in the bushes.

"How the heck could you do something like this?" cried Skips to Mordecai and Rigby.

"I just threw some mud at the guy to make him look like he was back on the battlefield" said Rigby.

"Don't you know what you just did, veterans like him can be very emotional!" roared Skips.

"How the heck do we stop him?" asked Mordecai, "The guy's destroying the park!"

"Hmm, there is one way by making it seem like he won the battle" continued Skips.

"I got an idea" said Rigby.

A few minutes later as BJ continued to tear up the park, Mordecai and Rigby finally came out of the bushes that they were hiding nearby.

"Ha, there you two are!" laughed BJ.

"Not so fast" said Rigby as he prevented BJ from going any further.

"We're going to settle this mono-e-mono" added Mordecai.

"And how are you ladies going to do just that?" asked BJ.

"By re-enacting the war you fought in" replied Mordecai, "the winner takes the spoils of war, and the loser goes away to never return from here again."

"Sounds like you ladies are really barking up the wrong tree" laughed BJ.

"But we don't know how to fight him" said Rigby to Mordecai.

"We're not, it's going to just be a game of capture the flag" said Mordecai, "and Skips will represent safe."

"Of course, I had to be dragged into this" sighed Skips.

"So what the heck are we going to use as a flag?" asked Rigby.

"I got a spare" replied BJ showing the American flag, "this is the flag I stood up for during the war, and this is the flag you two will NOT get your hands on!"

"Want to bet on that?" laughed Mordecai in a defiant mood.

"Come get it then" said BJ as he hoisted the flag on a pole he had brought.

As Mordecai raced toward the flag, BJ simply just pushed Mordecai aside to which Rigby also tried and the same was done to him.

"Now my turn!" laughed BJ as he grabbed the pole carrying the flag on it and began to run toward Skips.

"He's running toward you Skips, you have to make him get tired!" cried Rigby.

"Fine, I'll do it to get this creep out of the park" sighed Skips.

BJ continued to chase poor Skips throughout the park to which both Mordecai and Rigby were trying to come up with an idea, or any ideas that would indeed stop BJ from claiming victory. Benson himself was overhearing their arguing on what to do, and hated to side with them on this but felt he had no other choice.

"Okay, I can't believe I am saying this, but I am joining you two in this game" said Benson.

"Really?" asked Mordecai.

"Don't make me change my mind" roared Benson, "just have a plan, and I'll be the distraction for that guy, he destroyed the park faster than you guys ever did!"

Benson was indeed right on the money, as BJ was indeed trashing the park while chasing poor Skips. Skips was ironically getting tired from running, and noticed how abnormal BJ was in his speed.

"This guy's not going to stop!" cried Skips.

"Hey BJ!" cried Benson who wanted to pretend to show him support.

"Yeah, what is it?" asked BJ.

"I am going to be so happy that you're going to win and finally get those two fired" continued Benson to which he was giving time for Mordecai and Rigby to sneak up on BJ.

"So, you're finally coming around to me as a real soldier" said BJ who had a tear in his eye, "and I thought I never thought the day would come to this."

Yet before BJ could even get all emotional, he noticed the flag on the pole was gone, and Rigby was running quite fast with the flag.

"I got it, I got it!" laughed Rigby.

"You! You were helping them!" roared BJ to Benson to which he ran off fearing retribution.

But while Rigby continued to run toward Skips, BJ was chasing up pretty fast and was right behind the raccoon.

"I'm on your tail literally woman!" laughed BJ at Rigby.

"Mordecai, catch!" cried Rigby as he folded the flag into a paper plane which it went right toward the blue jay.

As BJ tackled Rigby, Mordecai was indeed heading toward the safe zone where Skips was located.

"Yeah, safe!" laughed Mordecai.

"No!" cried BJ who couldn't believe he was defeated.

"Pack up your bags and go!" roared Benson who came into the scene with Pops, "You're gone!"

"But you can't kick me out, I'm a veteran!" cried BJ.

"You're a veteran who went insane and destroyed the park!" continued Benson to which Mordecai and Rigby were celebrating as BJ was leaving, "And you two, I want to see you two clean up this mess to start getting back on my good side!"

"Looks like you ladies just fell back to square one" laughed BJ who was having the last laugh as he was leaving the park as a taxi cab came to pick him up to which the scene fades from there.


End file.
